i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
