Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
