and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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