Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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