its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize