walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
