You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
and you fell through a lawn chair
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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