is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
