So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
