I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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