Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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