I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
