Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I cut my penus on the lid.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Terrible idea I love it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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