What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
