I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
