I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My dick has a subreddit
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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