Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
