i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
