Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize