I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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