The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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