i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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