I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
