need another drink. this is the easiest way
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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