I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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