I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
