I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
