my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
