Moan for me like Helen Keller
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
wow bdsm is so cute
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
