there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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