you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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