I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im holly from the hills drunk
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
