Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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