Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
