allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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