My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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