Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
