Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
