1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sorry about my life...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
