Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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