I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
