she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
