yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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