You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
