just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
