I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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