I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
