I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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