can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
