u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
