Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
