oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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