we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
