So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
