Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
