You're completely useless in the revolution.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
