At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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