Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
