i just wanna soil my oats bro
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
